Another resolution

Seems I'm still making New Years resolutions!

I am going through an amazing period of personal growth at the moment. It seems like God keeps on bringing my unhealthy attitudes and ways of operating to light.

The latest is something I've been generally aware of for quite a long time (in fact a very long time) but it came into clear focus the other day.

Alyssa and I were talking about a book my mum gave us. It's called "Freedom from the grip of fear" (I'm not recommending it - I haven't read it yet and don't know that I will). I expressed my disdane - mum is always giving us these "self help" kind of books - and said that there really wasn't anything much I feared - except perhaps sharks while I'm surfing, but even then not enough to keep me out of the water!

Alyssa said she thought I feared rejection.

We talked about this for a while and I came to the conclusion that it wasn't so much that I feared rejection, but that in most situations I expect rejection.

• I enter into many situations expecting that my actions will not be valued.
  
• I enter into relationships expecting not to be liked or accepted and so am reluctant to expose too much of the "real me" to others.
• I often need reassurance from those close to me that I'm "doing ok".
  

Recently I've had a couple of opportunities to work on the "realtionships" side of things. I have been in situations where in the past, I would have taken other people's actions as personal rejection and probably avoided the people concerned from that point on. Instead I've ignored my internal turmoil and made myself continue to engage with the others involved. In each case my "expectations" were unfounded.

Even if they hadn't been, I think going through the motions of trying to restore relationship (reconcilliation) would have been beneficial - at least on a personal level.

I don't know that I will ever find this easy - my background is one of loads of damaged trust and betrayal (I'm sure lots of people can relate to this), but I can see this is definitely an area in which I need to persevere and, hopefully, continue to grow.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 2 Cor. 5:17-19