Tough Week

This week has been incredibly stressful.

Back at work on Monday, lots of changes and new people in new jobs, lots of uncertainty about things that for the last couple of years have been pretty certain, a new senior role with no real clarity around responsibilities, authority or expectations.

I find it kinda funny how I react to this kind of pressure. The "fight or flight" response kicks in - my initial reaction is usually "fight", and when I don't give into this (becuase past experience - and my wife - tell me it can get pretty messy and ungodly when I do) I quickly end up at "flight".

The reality of this situation is such that neither reactions are really appropriate - instead I've just had to sit tight and endure the ongoing swing between the two extremes.

What I really hate though, is the way the "flight" side of things seems to dominate and flow on into my whole life - or at least significant parts of it.

How does it make me feel?

It makes me want to run and hide and ditch everything!

It makes me feel weak and helpless and useless - like there's no point in being involved in most of things I'm involved in - chucking the job - "the stress isn't worth it", ditching the new EMC plant in Bunbury - "it wasn't going to work anyway - it was just a dream afterall", chucking the Binningup work - "the changes are never going to last, things won't really ever change".

In all of this though I'm reminded of Paul's conversation with Jesus when Paul was facing an issue that was out of his control.

Jesus response ... "my strength is made perfect in weakness"!

It's so often at these times that I'm not-so-subtely reminded of the fact that I really, really, really, need God - that even the things that seem so clear and certain today aren't neccessarily going to look the same tomorrow, but that - at least - one thing is sure. God and his love for me and purpose for my life remain unchanged.

I wish I didn't so often need reminding of this and I hope and pray that the current "trial" will find resolution soon. And in the meantime, I guess I will just (sigh) have to keep sitting tight and let God sort out the stuff that I have absolutely no control over- and for me, that's not an easy thing to do.